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Monday 5 August 2013

Discernment

I should be working right now, but I'm having a Facebook chat about stuff with a friend. I accidentally ranted. I thought I'd share. You know, because I'm kind. And because I can. My blog. Yeah. All of that.

Discernment is a good thing - In how you perceive yourself, others, the world, art, everything. Taste is massively important - mostly because you can't help but like somethings and not others, and some people and not others - I guess I'm at a point where I'm way more forgiving and accepting of myself, and that makes me more open and less judgmental/defensive in terms of my attitudes to things. Somethings are awful, but if something or someone is not to my taste, I usually see it as a lack of compatibility between me and that person/thing, rather than any inherent flaw in them/it/me. I don't know. I don't like lots of things. But I try to not like objectively, to discern whether I don't like it because it's shit, or whether it's just not me. Like when you meet people, like mutual friends, or work colleagues, or random strangers, or whoever, and they're really nice. And everyone thinks they're really nice. And I find myself trying to get out of talking to them because they bore the hell out of me and I fucking hate them, for that moment, because there's no one else to take the strain of the strained conversation, because everyone else is at the bar, or smoking, and so I hate them, through no fault of their own, and I make an excuse, and run away, because I don't really hate them, but I don't like them either, and because I don't like them, don't like being different to dislike, being as it is an absence of a feeling, rather than a active response, and I dislike that void of compatibility and conversation, and I transpose momentarily that onto them. And then others return and all is well. And so I can appreciate the value of that person, despite that I could never be their friend. Because taste and compatibility means there is discernment, and a lack of spark, a lack of fun, a lack of anything brings you nothing. Except perhaps an awareness that people are different, and have different tastes, different temperaments, different ideologies, philosophies. And it doesn't mean you can't see what other people would value even if you do not value it yourself. Some people like shit. Some people like different shit. It's good to choose to spend time with people who please you, doing/watching things that please you, or even just whinging about shit in a companionable way. There is no reason to put yourself through the tedium of making yourself appreciate stuff that doesn't work for you. Appreciate that it works for others, and leave it there. Don't judge people unfairly for liking stuff you don't, or being boring as hell. People are individuals. But you don't have to like what they like, or be their best friend. The beautiful thing about the variety of the world means you can find your own spot. You don't have to disparage every one, or everything. Just realise what doesn't work for you, and allow yourself that.

1 comment:

Woodcat said...

This is what happens when you write too quickly. Incoherent rant spew.