A (bottle of) Bulleit to the head.

I'm reading poetry. And getting drunk.

Marvellous.

I sleeped for the first time in living memory

without waking up. My world at the moment is full of bad situations and bad decisions and the knowledge of hurt I'm yet to cause. And Trying to plan in when to do it. I hate these things. I don't like to cause hurt or grief to other people. But I can't and won't sacrifice myself.

The Sound of Emptiness Part 1

Woodcat is without joy, but without sadness. There is a strange emptiness lurking within

Never Give all the Heart

Never give all the heart, for love
Will hardly seem worth thinking of
To passionate women if it seem
Certain, and they never dream
That it fades out from kiss to kiss;
For everything's that's lovely is
But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.
O never give the heart outright,
For they, for all smooth lips can say,
Have given their hearts to the play.
And who could play it well enough
If deaf and dumb and blind with love?
He that made this knows the cost,
For he gave all his love and lost.


Advice I take from Yeats, and pass on thus to you.

I went to ninja school so that I could murder you with just one little punch...

I think that's how the song goes. Anyway, it sums up a lot of how I feel a lot of the time. At work, we've been engaging in all these internal projects. Mine is involved with designing and building a behemoth of a database, and a GUI front end to talk to it. Up until now, I was part of a team, some of whom had coding experience, some of whom had more experience writing documentation, so I could learn lots from them. But now they have been re-deployed to external projects. Which is good. Except the entire company database project has become the ME-show. And I don't even know how to code html that effectively, let alone build a complex front end database application with php.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Apology. And A Promise.

The BNP have done rather well, Nick Griffin having acquired the role of MEP for the north west, and Andrew Brons for Yorkshire. This is entirely abhorent to me, and yet I cannot bring myself to go and stand in a pointless protest in the centre of Manchester. I say pointless, you wonder why. Whilst I despise this, and whilst it is not right, it is a democratic decision, and more importantly it is my fault, and the fault of every other apathetic sod who didn't find the time to sort out voting this year. Protesting after the appointment will not change things. These men will not stand down. By our apathy we stand by, and the ignorant and feckless and racist and awful are able to clamber to power, and ruin our country with bigotry and hate. But I promise you this. I will never forget to vote again.

Infestations

I have a house pest. It's name is Phil. It lives in the spare room and grumbles, cheerily. Welcome house pest!

And I'll never sleep again

I'm a mess. It's funny. Yesterday I existed as I always do, in my bubble. I was woefully behind in getting the spare room ready for the onslaught of having a housepest, and I'm still not prepared, but from tomorrow morning the spare room needs to be habitable. But this doesn't concern me, other than my slight worry as to how much crap I appear to have accumulated. And yet. Yesterday everything was fine, and in the evening I went to watch a film with a recent acquaintance. It turned out that this was a sort of date, and that was pretty cool, albeit pretty surprising, and he seems really nice. It doesn't seem to be related, but today I'm suffering from a certain degree of melancholy. Maybe it is related. My bubble is a solitary metaphorical space, and it suits me that way. And I'm awake and a little sad, with no clear ideas as to why, other than concerns of losing my solitude. And I'm awake and sad. And I'll never sleep again.

When I grow up...

... I want to make cakes. And brownies. And sweets. General confectionary. And I would like a shop, where I sell tea and other various liquids, and have a long counter full of goodies. It will be AMAZING.

The Woodcat is sad today

There were more redundancies at work today. It's no good. I don't know at the moment what the future holds, but I'm sad for those who are gone, and apprehensive for the future.

What I dun

It's been a while, so I feel I should catch up. Here are some of the things I've been doing.
1) Going to my cousins wedding
2) Babysitting my nephews
3) Making new friends
4) Going to the book club
5) Making brownies. And other cake
6) Going to see lots of gigs, including Ghostface Killah, and Machinefabriek, and Murcof, and a bunch of other stuff.
7) Making arrangements to do things I haven't done yet
8) Finding a room to rent in a house in September
9) Eating chocolate
10) Dancing like a fool

I've had a fun couple of months :D

Recent discoveries

Espresso powder is amazing. And versatile. But so far, the best use I've found has got to be the banana, blueberry and espresso milkshake. Sounds icky, tastes AMAZING.