In my world a spade is a spade and I may hit you over the head with it regularly in the interests of our friendship

There are points when you realise that people are lying to you, or themselves, or both. In many respects, it is irrelevant if they are lying to themselves; what is relevant is the negative impact that both aspects can have on you, if you let them. I tend to take people at what they tell me. I expect truthfulness, directness, I try to live my live with a level of honesty and openness that I imagine others do too. I like forthright, brutally honest conversations, they amuse me immensely. I am no enigma. I want nothing from anyone but to be as honest and open with me as I am with them, yet I am reminded, too often, that can be too much to ask. When people hold aspects of themselves back from their interactions, it creates barriers, conversations are forced, trying to peep over walls instead of open views of shared knowledge. It's more work than it should be. More work than I need.

I'm not dieting, just lazy

Hmmm. Today I ate a bit of white fish and some green beans. The day before, two slices of bacon and a load of cabbage. I don't think I'm looking after myself very well at the moment.

Bugger, that's hypothetically depressing

I've been looking over my finances for the coming year, and have come to the conclusion that over the next couple of years it would be wise to decrease the amount I go out, which is already pretty rarely. This sparked the hypothetically depressing realisation that, were I ever to become interested in a boy (AND if that interest were mutual, AND that interesting interested were available to be interesting - these qualities, alas, likely rule out the prospect before we get to the main point), regardless of whether I have the time (I don't), or the inclination (none that meet the afore mentioned criteria), I simply do not financially have the capacity to go out with boys. For at least two years. Even on the cheap. Sorry chaps. However a cheap date you may be, you are not cheap enough.

Today

I feel like crying. I don't know why. But I'm going to ball my fucking head off and that's okay. Because sometimes it's okay to be a person and be upset and not know why.