Saturday, 18 January 2014

The Woodcat's step by step foolproof guide to a relaxing bath

1) Get all the people out of your house
2) Make coffee
3) Clean bath after the last person who used the bath
4) Run bath
5) Get in bath
6) Realise you left something on the other side of the bathroom, stand, place one foot out of the bath, reach across and get forgotten article
7) Lift foot back into bath, slip, fall, bumping head, arm and leg on the way down, whilst gracefully kicking over your coffee, half into the bath, half across the rest of the bathroom
8) Pause for a moment
9) Get out of bath, clear up bathroom, empty bath, rewash bath, go downstairs, make more coffee, go back upstairs, rerun bath, get in bath
10) Contemplate pain in arm
11) Drink coffee
12) Contemplate the beached whale of stretch marks lying in the water before you
13) Realise water has gone cold
14) Get out, refreshed and rejuvenated!