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Saturday 14 March 2009

The Woodcat has plans

It's been over a year since I last went swimming. And I'm getting fat. Bizarrely, it's not stopping me getting attention from boys. But it is impacting my health, and the way I see myself in the mirror. And, in my less lucid moments, it makes me seriously question any attention I get from boys, and come to one of three conclusions. 1) They are crazy. 2) They have poor taste, or poor self-esteem, or they have a poor intellect, and are thus unable to distinguish attractive from unattractive... All these are lumped together, as these make me look down on the people who offer the attention, at the same time as lowering my own self esteem. 3) The prescription on their glasses needs changing. So the Woodcat is a woman with a plan. She is not entirely crazy you see, and in her more lucid moments she realises that despite what her mother may say, she looks okay, most of the time. She also realises that while she does not consider herself to be in any way beautiful, she is not an out and out dog either. Some days she looks quite nice, and if she took a little care of her appearance, that sometimes could become a most of the time. The big thing she has realised though, is that photographs decrease her self esteem. When she was going swimming regularly, she was slimmer. Not thin, not by a long stretch. But slimmer. And nearly every picture of her that people took looked, well, okay. Not great, but okay. Woodcat has a little face, and doesn't carry extra weight that well. It's not noticeable in "real life". But in a photo? Well, she starts looking like Quasimodo very quickly.
So Woodcat is planning to start going swimming again. In the mornings before work. Starting Monday. No doubt I'll only be able to do about 10 lengths, 20, at a stretch. But we are starting.

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