Even though my brain's finally working better than it's worked for years

Even though my brain's finally working better than it's worked for years - thanks to all the vitamins and controversial nutrition, yay, butter! - I still have the mindset of failure to overcome. When you've been told you aren't good enough all your life, even though you fought like hell just not to sink, it's hard to remember that it isn't true. I have an IQ around 140, a highly analytical brain, and I can do this. But yet. I'm floundering in the remnants of the learned behaviours, the learned expectations of when my attention issues were at their worst. Which is arguably most of my life. Although I've largely fixed my capacity for abstractions and logic so that I can see answers clearly, rather than struggling to fathom them as though looking through a barely translucent screen, I still sit here with the haunting uselessness of the sinking weight of the inevitability of failure. Because for so long, that's all that was expected of me, because it was all anyone believed I could do. Me included. And for all that I've made massive inroads this year, I still have to spend a certain amount of energy consciously undoing the attitudes instilled in me over the years, the expectation that I am a failure. I am not, and I never was. But because you walked in my house for all of ten minutes and reinforced all of that old shit, now I am sat here, impotent, fearful of work I know how to do, staring down failure like a rabbit in the headlights.

Cheers. Fucking cheers.